Day 58: The Descent: Part 2 (2009)


I guess titles say a lot about a film. They can draw the viewer in like a siren singing the melodic song to attract sailors. They can be informative; telling the audience exactly what to expect. They can be catchy, like something out of a P.T. Barnum handbill or a Mark Twain witticism. Or they can be just plain boring. Such is the case with The Descent: Part 2. I should have considered myself warned.

 

Once more, I will admit that I have been beaten by a movie. It totally outlasted me. In fact, I couldn’t make my way past the 36 minute mark. And I tried, oh I tried. I thought this movie would be ripe with the silliness that seems to accompany many bad horror flicks. So I pushed myself past the ten minute mark, taking breaks every few minutes to try to work myself up to finishing the movie. But it is bad– and not “good” bad (and I do enjoy a juicy “good” bad movie every so often). Thus, I threw in the towel– I only regret not tossing it in sooner.

 

The Descent: Part 2 is about a woman who goes exploring in an Appalachian cave system with a group of friends. Why she goes there, no one knows, and I seriously doubt they care. If the filmmakers would have left her there, we would probably be better off. Anyway, during the first scene of the movie, the blood-soaked woman runs on to a road–coincidentally after a truck narrowly misses hitting a deer. Yeah, I didn’t really get it either, and should have stopped it here; but I sensed a flashback was coming and tried to work my way through it. The woman was the only person found from this missing party, so what does the law enforcement have her do? If you answered: “lead a group of police and cave explorers into the depths of uncharted caves with no real plan to find the women, just to have the party be attacked by the evil bat-people that live there,” you would be correct. Here is the best way to describe the film: it’s like The Descent, only stupider, more contrived, and stupider (hey, did I say that twice? Coincidence, I suppose).

 

At this point in my review, I would typically say who the movie stars. However, to paraphrase a MST3K line that stuck in my head from ages past, I don’t think this movie really stars anyone. The acting is pretty horrible. My favorite line (from the first thirty minutes, mind you) has to be: “they clean broke through into Hell. The Devil was mighty pissed.” Ah, failed attempt at local flavor and dialect. I especially liked how the actors had to avoid the avalanche caused by styrofoam rocks. Yep, you have to watch out for styrofoam rock formations– they get you every time.

 

I had a lot of questions about this movie, but for some reason, I just can’t get past the title. Why not call it The Descent 2: Stairway to Hell, The Descent 2: Who Needs a Plot for a Movie?, The Descent 2: The Squeakquel (I warned you, I like that word!), or The De(s)cent Movie You Wanted to Watch is Not Here. I guess those titles don’t have the pizzazz of The Descent: Part 2. It just rolls right off the tongue.

 

I can’t say I even wanted to like this movie, but I at least wanted it to be watchable. Although the title alone should have been warning enough; I should always know to be wary of the “straight to DVD” films. Let me tell you folks, this was no Little Mermaid 14: Ariel’s Revenge (talk about a blood bath). But at least I can take this film off of my queue! Smile

 

As always, thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!!!

 

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